I read on a lot of different types of relationships. I see situations that are just beginning, connections that have gone to hell and back but are still together and even situations where one (or both) of the parties are involved in another connection.
I don’t judge any of them. It’s not my place and doing so would go against everything I believe in at the core, but I do feel for anyone who is waiting around for something that is unlikely to come together in the manner they desire most. I see this most often in situations where one of the parties is already involved in another relationship or even marriage.
While I commend anyone who has the strength to endure such a complicated situation, I believe it’s important to determine whether or not you are seeing the headway you desire or if you are being fed empty promises that keep you dangling on a hook. The below lists three common situations that could imply you are waiting for nothing.
1.) They Promise They Just Need More Time
Leaving some situations, especially marriages, isn’t easy, but that doesn’t mean your partner shouldn’t be making plans to do so. While it’s different if someone is already separated and living on their own, it’s a red flag when your partner is still at home playing the happy spouse while seeing you on the side.
If you are constantly promised they simply need more time, but no traction is being made, then you may need to rethink your connection and ask yourself if you are wasting your energy.
2.) They Regularly Go on Holiday With Their Significant Other
While family vacations are one thing, if someone is unhappy at home and has made promises that the two of your will be together (in the manner you want) soon, but they are still taking regular holidays with all the family and leaving you in the dust during these events, it’s time to reevaluate. It’s possible he or she isn’t even remotely ready to leave their current relationship.
3.) They Dump Their Current Relationship Woes on You and Expect Your Advice
One of the most disrespectful red flags I’ve seen a few different times is when the individual already involved dumps their current relationship problems onto the person they have made promises of being with. Not only is it a sign that they may not be ready to leave their current situation, it is also a slap in the face to you. If you have experienced anything like this and find yourself playing counselor, I strongly encourage you to rethink the connection. Providing emotional support is a normal part of any connection, but you shouldn’t be giving advice on their current relationship. You aren’t here to be used. You are here to love and build something beautiful together.
While some of these types of connections do eventually work out, be mindful of the red flags and set limits on how much you are going to put up with. Some situations will be more complicated than others, but it’s always important to ask yourself if you are getting back what you need. Ask yourself whether or not you truly feel loved. Be honest with yourself and find out if this connection is exactly what you have envisioned for your future. If not, it may be time to walk away.
Never forget that you do deserve an equal partnership. You do deserve to get love the way you give it and you also have every right to help evolve your connection to the next level.
Just remember, it’s never selfish to look at your connection from the outside in and put your own needs first.